We hear a lot about the need to change attitudes and behaviors towards relationships, but often the language around saying no gets confused. It can be easy to revert back to a “yes” or a “I promise” after saying “no”. You might even do this unconsciously. To clear up some of the confusion, we’ve listed some common mistakes people make when saying no:

– Saying no to someone else can seem like an easy option. After all, if you’re not saying yes, then it doesn’t feel like a decision. The fear of having to explain yourself to someone else can make people uncomfortable. In reality, there are two responses to this: one is saying yes to set up a future together; the other is saying no because you don’t want to hurt that person’s feelings. When deciding whether or not to say yes to set up a future together, understanding the difference between saying yes and saying no helps.

– Trying to force your own true desires (or lack of desires) on another person can create resistance. After all, no one can force you to act according to your true desires if those desires conflict with someone else’s true desires. By deciding that saying no is more important than acting, you free your innermost feelings to guide you in the direction of your true desires.

– Making excuses for why you haven’t started something can make saying no more difficult. After all, why make yourself feel guilty for not starting? If your reasons are valid, then you should really start. Just because you haven’t said yes to something yet doesn’t mean you can’t start right away.

– There’s nothing more uncomfortable than hearing “no” over. If you say “no” a hundred times in a day, you’ll start to lose it. So the best way to practice saying no is to actually say it. Whether it’s to a co-worker, your child, a spouse or a friend, your subconscious mind will understand when you say it. Once you master this skill, you won’t be sorry you did.

As you begin to understand that there is only one person who can tell you whether you’re moving toward or away from your true desires, you’ll have a much easier time saying “no” when you need to. Say “no” to things that just don’t belong, and you will free your innermost feelings. You can direct your life in any direction you choose once you learn how to release your innermost feelings. Learn how to master saying no and you will find yourself in charge of your life!